1000 Ways To Die: Graveyard Shift
by TotalDramaRox97
Summary: Deaths beyond belief.


Date: October 14, 1998

Zucotti Park, New York

What better place to relax than a park? Too bad this guy knows that. Meet Chris, a drug addict who gets his kicks in life by irritating others. And today, he's on a role. He's been mocking, perverting, and even stealing from other people. Edward McKenzie Park Ranger: "We can't control the people who come to our park people because the park is a public place so it's free to the open, unfortunately that makes it susceptible to crimes and other acts of violence." Everyone hates Chris, even his own mom she pressed charges on him when he was 13 and he was arrested. He's spent more than half his life in jail and if he doesn't stop, he'll go right back.

His latest target is a survivalist. The survivalist has been out on many excursions on. He tackles him and steals a rock and his knife. The collector understandably gets mad and chases him. He hides in a port a-potty and he decides to play with his new items, he chops the rock in half and (port a-potty explodes) he gets a face full of comeuppance and feces. That wasn't no ordinary rock you stole Chris, it was flint and the knife was steel. Cheryl Cantania Geologist: "Port a-Potties are full of methane because feces breaking down give off methane. Since the port-a-potty is a closed environment, the methane would accumulate over time trapping the gas inside. When the steel makes contact with the flint, it produced sparks and the sparks then ignited the highly flammable methane gas thus making it explode and would kill him almost instantaneously."

Chris was an unlikable jerk with a love of aggravating everyone he sees. In the end, karma paid him a visit with a dirty secret, his death. "Whatever, it was an old knife."

Way to Die #710

Poisonous Ass

Date: April 2, 2005

Seattle, Washington

You heard of Queen Bees, well meet this Queen Bitch. This is Megan, a braggart who needs to be the center of attention. Megan is very lucky but it always gets into her head also, she is very apathetic Megan loves to show off and make herself look the important person she believes she is so much that when her closest lifelong friends got sick of her, she didn't stop, she left them. Ferna Romero Therapist: "A lot of the time when I see people who brag about themselves, it's because they have low self-esteem and they use this to try to help it. However, it is much worse than it seems, people get carried away sometimes and it upsets others." She believes in material possessions making you popular. With her learner's permit, she hopes to be the first girl in her grade to get her license and make her look cooler

Megan is practicing driving with her mom. Megan is a good driver, but because of the rain the car almost turns over. Megan decides to do a sensible thing and turn on the windshield wipers. Despite her mom's offer to do it for her, she does it herself. Something happens to her that has rarely happened, she is unlucky and her contacts are fogged up. While she is looking nature calls. (Megan sneezes and crashes into a small tree. She then shakes violently then stops moving.) That's an unusual response to a car crash. Leo Williams Car Expert: "When the car crashed, this girl bit her tongue, a common reaction, and bled. It became a double whammy when the blood leaked into the CD player and electrocuted her."

So viewer we've learned a few things, never drive with foggy contacts, if someone in the front seat offers to turn on the windshield wipers accept it, and don't be an arrogant braggart. Someone should tell that to Megan, oh wait, she's dead.

Way to Die #198

Satellite Dead-io

Coming up, has tennis become an electronic and see what happens when

Date: July 7, 2008

Dallas, Texas

Ah nothing like a southern belle can make your day, unless that belle is her. Beverly is very nice at home but outside, she is rude "Hurry up with those orders I asked for them like three days ago." abusive "What dumbass sent you to work for me, you're fired. (slaps secretary)", and just plain annoying. One thing she loved is tennis, a former tennis star in high school, she had a bright future ahead of her until she was caught sodomizing an opponent. Now, she only played to rub it in other people's faces. Joseph Farley Tennis Player: "To me, playing co-ed tennis is tough, because you see girls in really tight clothing and you have to resist, unfortunately some people can't and it ruins their career. In fact my coach got arrested for not resisting."

Today, an old rival comes and challenges her, Beverly's old friend Sherri. The game is about to start and Beverly is fired up. "Come on give me you (smacks racket against hand and is electrocuted and drops dead.)" Another thing you must know about Beverly, she hated bugs and had an infestation at her house. "I don't remember buying this tennis racket, oh well the lighter the better." That wasn't a tennis racket you picked up Beverly it was a 75 volt bug zapper, this one had a faulty wire. Pablo Ramirez Electrician: "When the racket hit her hand all the electricity absorbed through her hand, normally a person would receive a painful shock and move their hand but with this faulty wire the electricity doubled eventually stopping her heart and she'd be dead within seconds." There once was a girl who lived in her dreams. In reality it was not what it seems. She grabbed the wrong racket and got fatally shocked. Leaving her heart forever locked.

Way to Die #593

Cicada Williams

Date: December 13, 2003

New York City, New York

"Listen I don't care if your son broke his arm, just finish my report you hardly started and then you can help your son." Who is this douchebag in a suit? His name is Lenny, if you haven't met him, you are lucky; everyone who has ever met him wishes they haven't. Lenny looks professional on the outside, but in actuality, he's just a jerk who inherited his rich father's corporation after he "mysteriously" died. It doesn't end there, see these bodyguards, they don't work for him, they are Middle Eastern immigrants who he has kidnapped and enslaved.

John Doe Enslaver (shadowed for criminal protection): "I don't care about how the workers I enslaved are, all I care about is that I'm getting my work done, if they back sass or be rude to me I make sure they pay." No one knows why people like him even exist. It would be nice to see people like him, die. (Clangs are heard and Lenny collapses on the floor screaming and bleeding through thin slits on his head). Perfect timing, but what happened?

What Lenny or no one else could see was a window washer washing a window on a skyscraper. He is a huge klutz and slipped. When he slipped he hit his supply box and sent dozens of small washers falling to the earth. Daniel Henderson Physicist: "Falling objects accelerate at 9.8 m/s2 and this is a skyscraper so by the time they hit this man they would be going at like 98 m/s2 and they would go through his head like raw meat. Now normally the person would die a quick and relatively painless death, but this guy got hit in the worst spots and death was slow and painful." Lenny's bodyguards were lucky; they were saved because their helmets were made of cubic zirconium and deflected the washers. "He's dead, we are free of him." Lenny couldn't care less about anyone, but himself. He was in the wrong place at the wrong time and was, flushed out.

Way to Die #346

Hell-ocity

Date: July 1, 2000

Fremont, California

Some people have no friends, meet Boris. Ever since the death of his wife, he has been finding any reason to be rude and abusive towards people, even his own dog. Andrew Wang: "Depression can affect people in many ways, one of which is frustration. This frustration can come from wanting to let out their pain, to wishing people would show sympathy, or because they want people to know how they feel. People may see this as pointless brutality, when really, they are trying to cope with the pain they are feeling." One of Boris's coping mechanisms, throwing rocks, at neighbors windows. He is going from having a blast, (rock hits him) to getting blasted. When he threw a rock he hit a Sit n' Bounce owned by a neighbor sending it back at his chest, did we mention Boris has a pacemaker. The force broke the pacemaker and he suffered a heart attack. Boris enjoyed making others miserable, but in the end, he went from clinically depressed, to heart beat suppressed

Way to Die #220

Pound of Feathers, Pounded by Rocks

Coming up see the teacher who was meaner than he was bright, or was he and a woman who should be named Sandy

Date: September 30, 1997

Madison, Wisconsin

What has this woman with a sack on her head, suicide, and accident, how about evil scheme gone wrong. Meet Kara, a writer in college who gets jealous very easily. Her best friend, Lisa has been getting flirtatious with Kara's boyfriend. Like most teenage girls, Kara, understandably, got mad, but her revenge plan, was pushing it. She had already tried getting revenge by slandering her in the school newspaper, but it never went through. Kara had given her friend a lead role in a play she wrote. At one point in the play, the main character was supposed to die after electrocution from a wire and be revived. However, Kara decided to really electrocute Lisa. What she thought was a harmless joke, was actually very dangerous. Any kind of electricity can cause cardiac arrhythmia. It's opening night, and Kara's plan should be set into action in less than a minute.

One person knows of her plan, her boyfriend Garrett. He plans to end the show early by cutting the curtain rope with a knife he took from the cafeteria, and then dump Kara. 30 seconds until her plan goes into action. Garrett quickly cuts a rope (girl screams). The curtain doesn't fall, but Garrett is still able to unhook the electricity. The play is over but where is Kara? Garrett looks around for his soon to be ex-girlfriend. "Oh my god! Oh my god!" He sees her dead body on the floor. Garrett cut the wrong rope; a stage hand messed up and put the sand bag on a separate rope. When Garrett cut the rope he dropped a sand bag on Kara. The impact knocked her out and landed on her mouth. She should be able to breathe through her nose, but the sand bag was cut by her teeth she inhaled enough sand to fill her lungs and asphyxiate her, she was dead in minutes. When jealousy rages in can make a girl insane, but pushing it too far could leave you, gasping for air.

Way to Die #681

Sandy Cheeked

Date: January 10, 2009

Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Gym is considered a fun period, unfortunately some schools have cut it out of their curriculum. Too bad it hasn't happened here, because the gym teacher here is nothing short of a criminal. Not only does he verbally abuse his students "You suck, you're supposed to be trying.", but physically abusive (throws kid into wall). Gregory Phillips Principal: Unfortunately, it's not that uncommon to see teachers bully students, in fact some teachers use the student's allergies to bully students, which is illegal. In fact at my school, I had a teacher who tied students to their desk if there was one thing about their appearance they didn't like. As soon as I found out I not only fired him, but I had him arrested." There's only one student this gym teacher likes, his name is Lucas Garcia. "I'm going to the bathroom and you better improve or else you will be pinged between the bleachers and the wall." Lucas was not athletic at all, in fact he only recently gained respect from him because he can bump pass so high he once got 2 volleyballs caught in rafter, which impressed the gym teacher. Lucas is quite aware of how evil his gym teacher is, but he is very cowardly and doesn't want to be abused by his gym teacher by standing up to him or turning him in.

Everyone is practicing their bump passes when the teacher comes back angrier than before. His students weren't living up to his standards despite them only being in the curriculum for a few days. "Come on, you are pathetic, Lucas is the only one who actually knows what he is doing you all su-" (large light falls on him). Right before the gym teacher came back, Lucas had bump passed a ball so hard it hit a hanging light, and this one had a weak cable. Once it hit, it released the rest of the cable hanging that still had electricity passing through it, the light fell and broke on the gym teacher. He was fried by the electricity. In the end, teacher's pet ended up as his killer because of the only thing he liked about him, lights out.

Way to Die #335


End file.
